Everyday Life

Everyday behavior among Arabs reflects much of Islamic belief and custom. You will of course find great differences in individual behavior depending on educational background and general sophistication, but some generalizations are valid for most Iraqis, if not for most Arabs.

The Extended Family

The extended Arab family has been mentioned above several times, and families have been political and social forces throughout Arab history in general and Iraq's history in particular. Loyalty to the family or tribe can be counted on, and it forms the basis for many behaviors and acts that to us might seem arbitrary or inappropriate: Nepotism, for example, would be viewed by an Iraqi as a positive act, one that ensures good work and honesty in an employee. The social position of one's extended family is viewed as a constant. Whereas in Western society an individual can rise in society through education or attainment of wealth or sometimes just sheer good looks, one's status in Arab society is determined by the place of one's extended family, and that status is unchangeable. Individual behavior is very much constrained by the desire not to bring shame upon one's family.

Marriage is expected of everyone. Children belong to their father's family, and in the case of divorce the father is automatically awarded custody. Women do not join their husband's family (unless they are already in it; marriage among first cousins is quite common). A family can be located in a particular area, or can have branches in several geographically distinct locations. Many Arab countries have ruling families, for example the Al-Sabahs in Kuwait, and the Sauds in Saudi Arabia (which is why it is called Saudi Arabia). Saddam Hussein belongs to the Talfah family of Tikrit.

The Household

Traditional Arab homes are very private by our standards, especially in Iraq and the Arabian peninsula. Older individual houses are behind high walls, totally sheltered from the street and from passers-by. Even in urban apartment buildings, family privacy is maintained. Inside the home, there is usually a room, like a formal parlor, in which the men of the family can receive male visitors without violating the privacy of the family.

The traditional household of a typical man in his forties consists of himself, his wife, their unmarried sons and daughters, their married sons with their wives and children, the man's mother if she is still alive, and frequently his unmarried sisters if he has any. Very probably, the most powerful force in the household is the man's mother, whose sons revere her, and whose daughters-in-law pretty much have to follow her bidding (there are lots of mother-in-law jokes in Arab society).

Young children are adored and indulged. Older boys are allowed to attend the gatherings of the men, and by listening absorb many of the cultural values and attitudes that will shape their public behavior. Older girls are very carefully protected, sometimes to their own chagrin. They learn the domestic skills through participation.

The Ba'ath Party has done much in Iraq to improve the availability of education. Primary education has been compulsory for both boys and girls, and there are some co-educational secondary schools, as well as separate secondary schools. A relatively high percentage of Iraqi young people are well educated.

Polygamy

Polygamy is allowed in Islam (up to four wives are permitted), but it has long been dying out in the Arab world, to the point that these days most educated middle- and upper-class Arabs find the subject somewhat embarrassing, and most of the Arab countries have laws outlawing polygamy from a secular perspective. In any event, it has always been a possibility available only to the wealthier members of society. There are advantages to having more than one wife: It expands the numbers of families one can count on for support, and provides a man with many children. There are hardships as well, the greatest of which is economic: Islamic law is clear that each wife must be treated absolutely equally.

Treatment of Women

There is much written in the Western press about Arab women, who from a Western point of view appear to be very much dominated and repressed. The status of women is a controversial issue in Arab society today—possibly because it has gotten so much negative press from the West—and there are movements among educated Arab women for equal rights. In the more progressive countries, including Iraq, women from the upper-class families have always had access to education, and have been able to pursue careers and combine career and family. Recently, many of these women have been attempting to extend their rights to all Arab women.

The most obvious and famous symbol of the status of Arab women is their public dress. Iraqi women have always been somewhat freer than women in the Arabian peninsula, but there are still many Iraqi women who cover their hair in public. The hair covering can range from a gauzy veil draped attractively around the head and neck to a thick kerchief folded so that the front lies low on the forehead and the rest of the head is securely swathed. There are also women who wear the 'abaya (a long-sleeved, long cloak- or coat-like overgarment that covers one from neck to ankles) whenever they go out. This is most common in rural areas and among older, less educated women, although more women are now covering up as a result of the impact of the fundamentalist movement and new pressures. Underneath the 'abaya and veil, Arab women in general dress more conservatively than Western women, although upper-class women are very aware and appreciative of European fashions.

The structure of Arab society is such that financial power is in the hands of the man. This is not to say, however, that his wife is completely without influence. Women have a great deal of power at home and over their children, including their grown sons, whom they count on for support in family disputes. Women also have families who are very sensitive to their welfare, and their fathers and brothers will interfere if they feel that their daughter or sister is being abused, or if they think she is unhappy.

Much is made of the right of an Arab man to divorce his wife simply by saying "I divorce you" three times. Mention, however, is rarely made of the fact that in doing so he must then contend with his wife's family which among other things has the right to demand immediate "divorce payment," a stipulated part of the woman's dowry. Divorce is, in fact, a last resort, and a source of sadness and regret for both families involved.

Personal and Family Honor

At the heart of treatment of women are the very basic belief in a man's honor and that of his family, and the equally basic belief that men and women left to their own devices are unable or unwilling to control their physical urges. (This is not a uniquely Arab belief: The whole notion of the chaperone is based on the same belief.) For this reason, protection of women is a central tenet of Islamic society, and both men and women believe it to be necessary. What seems to us like repression, and causes the feminists among us to wonder at the docility of Arab women, is likely to be viewed by those women as evidence that they are loved and valued. Our Western feminine freedom is quite capable of being interpreted by Arab women as evidence of neglect or even immorality. Furthermore, men and women are believed to be different in their very natures, and women's role is centered around the home and family.

The Arab concept of honor explains, in part, a woman's covering up in public, which can be seen as a means of shielding her from the view, not to mention the attentions, of strange men.

The point is that, however brutal or restricted the treatment of Arab women might seem to us, there is a rational basis for it, and the treatment and reasons behind it are accepted by many Arab women as well as Arab men. In short, changes in the treatment of women are a sensitive issue; it is best not to "preach" or criticize too insistently.

Many Iraqi marriages are arranged.

Love and Marriage

As we mentioned before, in Arab society it is expected that everyone will marry. Many Iraqi marriages are still arranged, although often young people are placed in situations where they can meet one another. A girl and boy might be attracted to each other at one of these meetings, and after a clandestine telephone courtship (the telephone has been a great blessing to young Arabs) they might confide their attachment to their respective families, which then follow up with the traditional arrangements—if they approve of the match. If the family is not so indulgent, marriage arrangements are entirely in the hands of the parents—often just the mothers—who match eligible boys with eligible girls after thoroughly checking the potential mate and family. Many people believe that, since marriage has social and economic dimensions, these concerns are more important than mere emotions.

Public and Private Behavior

In Islamic society, there is a much greater difference between public and private behavior than in Western societies. It is an invasion of privacy, for example, for a man to ask another man how his wife is; one asks instead how his family in general is, or how his children are. Arab men and women do not express affection of any sort in public, including holding hands. Contrarily, affection is often publicly expressed among friends of the same sex, including hugs and repeated kisses. Arab women are usually deferential to their fathers, brothers, or husbands in public.

The Cultural Orientation Project--http://www.culturalorientation.net, for more information contact sanja@cal.org
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