Cultural Differences

Formality
Americans who have worked extensively with Kurds, together with Kurds who have lived here for a while, have stressed the crucial importance of maintaining a formal relationship with the newly-arrived Kurds. They comment that our American informality, most importantly our use of first names, is interpreted by all but the most sophisticated Kurds as a sign of weakness, of evidence that we should not be taken seriously.

Service providers are urged to forego the standard American informality and friendliness, especially in the first days of resettlement when impressions are being made, and to become more formal in dealings with the Kurds: Use titles and last names all around, dress more formally, and observe strict protocol during interviews, meetings, and other encounters with the Kurds.

At the same time, American informality can be a subject to be explained and taught to the Kurds: Essentially, our apparent informality follows rules which the foreigner has to learn in order to be successful in his or her dealings with Americans. It can be pointed out, for example, that a younger person waits to be invited by an older person to use the elder's first name; that there are situations in which first names are not used, such as with doctors, policemen, teachers, and others in authority.

Political Rivalries
It is likely that the rivalry between the two major Kurdish factions, the KDP and the PUK, has been brought with them from Iraq and is alive and well in the Kurdish communities in the United States. After initial resettlement, the Kurdish asylees will probably regroup themselves into politically comfortable communities. In the meantime, however, American service providers cannot assume that a given group of asylees will fit into any already-established Kurdish community.

Attitudes Toward Authority
Because of their history, Kurds are wary of laws, regulations, and authority in general, and they will carry these deep-seated attitudes to the United States. Acting in accord with their tradition, they may attempt to get around regulations that do not appear to be in their immediate best interests. It may also be difficult to convince them that their perceptions as to what is in their best interests may be incorrect. They will also find it extremely difficult to change attitudes about national government that have been instilled in them over centuries of repression.

The Kurds will find it extremely difficult to change attitudes about national government.

To counteract this traditional behavior and to educate the Kurds in this most important of American values, service providers are urged to consider the following suggestions:

Learn the facts. Study the legal and organizational aspects of the Kurds' resettlement until you are certain that you thoroughly understand them. It is important that all service providers provide the Kurds with consistent, accurate information about the systems, processes, and regulations affecting them during resettlement.

Do not make exceptions. It is in everyone's best interests that this system be "airtight." The granting of exceptions for whatever reason will be seen as weaknesses in the system and provide the Kurds with a pretext for working around the system rather than complying. The granting of exceptions might also be interpreted as examples supporting the notion that rules and laws need not apply to everyone. In this case, consistency is a form of compassion that will serve the Kurds best.

Explain the system. If at all possible, set up sessions to explain the legal and organizational resettlement systems to the Kurds. Include an interpreter, give many examples of the benefits of compliance as well as the consequences of noncompliance, and provide an opportunity for them to ask questions. Kurdish community leaders can help you target problem areas, and their involvement will give them status in the community's eyes while bringing them onto your side. If no leader has emerged, a session with representatives from the Kurdish community might be politically wise. At some point, women service providers might hold a parallel session for the women in the group, or possibly a session focusing on women's issues but including general issues as well.

Teach respect for law. American respect for law and the government should be stressed at every opportunity, with special emphasis on the notion that we obey laws we do not necessarily agree with, even as we seek to change them through community action, in the voting booth, and through contacts with our legislative representatives. All of this can be presented as fact"This is the way we Americans think and behave"rather than as value judgments"This is the way people ought to think and behave." If all goes well, the Kurds will conclude on their own that it is in their interest, while in America, to do as the Americans do.

English classes might include readings and exercises focused on American law and community action (see the "For Further Reading" section at the end of this Fact Sheet for some suggested texts). It is important to establish that the police and others in authority are public servants that can be approached for help: Kurds are accustomed to the notion that people in authority are to be feared. Community leaders such as the police chief, the fire chief, or school principal can be asked to brief the Kurds at community meetings on their respective services and how to access them; remember to include interpreters, and allow ample time for questions. If the Kurds have no questions of their own, they might be prompted to answer questions themselves, such as, "If your child suddenly became sick, where would you turn for help?" or "Do you know where the fire department gets money to pay the firemen and keep the engines running?"

The position of Kurdish women is still very different from that of women in the United States

In Muslim communities in the United States, terrible conflicts can arise between generations of a family.

Working With Women
While Kurdish women enjoy freedoms not found in more conservative Muslim societies, the position of women is still very different from that of women in the United States. A traditional Kurdish wife might not wear a veil, but she is still considered (and very probably considers herself) as part of her husband's household, to be used as he sees fit..

The advancement of women in a community is a cause handled best by other women within the community: If some of the younger, more westernized Kurdish women are interested, they can be informed about women's issues in the United States and gently encouraged to use their own judgment in passing on this information to their relatives and friends. If American service providers themselves urge Kurdish women to assert themselves, the men in the community are likely to take it as an insult to their honor, and their support and cooperation in resettlement efforts will be lost. A better approach might be to involve men in all activities, or to cast women-oriented programs as family programs.

Muslim women react differently to American women and their behavior. Some Muslim women take the freedom of American women as an indication that they have no men who love them enough to take care of them. Other Muslim women might be impressed by the apparently free behavior, and try to copy it without understanding that it is part of a much larger cultural system based on non-Muslim assumptions about the positions of men and women in our society.

Muslim tradition has it that men and women cannot control their impulses and therefore should not be placed in situations where their impulses can get them into trouble. Although this view is not entirely foreign to us, in modern America girls and boys alike are taught that they are responsible for their own behavior and are urged to abide by moral principle, whether or not anyone is watching them.

Much of Muslim perception about western women stems from this difference in basic principle. Kurdish men will tend to misinterpret friendly gestures or sometimes even routine encounters as expressions of sexual interest, under the assumption that women are not in control of their impulses. Since this can lead to unpleasant consequences, women service providers may wish to maintain a barrier of formality between themselves and Kurdish men, and Kurdish men should be taught in turn what constitutes an expression of interest and what does not in this new culture.

Family Conflicts
Family is all-important to a Kurd, and an individual will often choose a course of action simply because it benefits the family, or conversely avoid an action solely because it will bring shame on his family. In Muslim communities in the United States, terrible conflicts have arisen between generations of a family: The young people, in behaving like the Americans they have learned to be at school, try to engage in social behavior like dating or socializing in groups that include both boys and girls. But this is unacceptable in traditional Muslim society and therefore highly shameful to the family. Such conflicts are probably unavoidable; the best that Americans can do is (a) to be on the alert for signs of excessive punishment of the young person and (b) to try to explain to the older generation that young Americans are expected to interact socially with the opposite gender and at the same time abide by moral principles. Again, an understanding of our American behavior, and the realization that it is governed by rules, will lessen apprehension and fear.

Kurds can be quite forthright in voicing their opinions.

Forthright Expression of Opinion
Americans familiar with Kurdish communities in the United States, and service providers who have worked with earlier groups of Kurdish refugees, frequently comment that Kurds are quite forthright in voicing their opinions, whether positive or negative. At times this forthrightness runs up against American standards of behavior toward those who are providing hospitality or service, and is perceived as aggressiveness or even rudeness: It is inappropriate for the recipient of roses, for example, to comment to the giver that American roses don't have much scent and are therefore inferior.

This forthrightness can be exhausting and discouraging to service providers, but there are some positive benefits. It can be useful from a programmatic point of view for recipients to be forthrightly negative about the services provided; the providers are given valuable, if painful, information and can make adjustments that will improve the effectiveness of the program.

Whatever the benefits, it is in the Kurds' best interests, as people residing in the United States, for service providers to explain to them that their forthrightness will be interpreted as rudeness in many circumstances. As a start, it can be explained that in social situations, negative comments about the host's house, food, or hospitality are never acceptable.

It can also be explained or even taught formally that in American non-social environments, there are ways to voice negative opinions, complaints, and objections that get the point across without insulting the Americans involved. Many ESL conversation texts include lessons on these topics (see the "For Further Reading" section at the end of this Fact Sheet for suggestions).

Excessive complaining, on the other hand, might be a psychological response to stress. If a Kurd unleashes a barrage of complaints, it might be useful to assume that there is an underlying problem that needs to be aired, if not solved.

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